Hot Chocolate
by Pathatlon
Summary: Oneshot. Hermione reflects her life by looking into her cup of cocoa. Will she let her light go out? HGRW


**This is a mere one-shot about Hermione reflecting her life and the things she wants to do. Hope you like it!**

It was a storming weather outside. The wind was howling loudly and occasionally a bright light lit up the room, followed by a loud thunderclap. For a moment everything was silent, and then came the light and the thunder, followed by another moment of complete silence before the wind and the rain was once again heard. Hermione released a small sigh and let her eyes gaze into her cup of cocoa, which suddenly seemed light an endless well. She was just about to move her eyes away when she caught a glimpse of light in it.

The only candlelight in the room was just by her side, and as she held the cup the candle was reflected in it. Subconsciously she moved the cup a bit to make the fain light be in the middle of the liquid. It became so, and she found herself snorting lightly. It reminded her of a dark tunnel with a light at the end. Don't follow the light. Isn't that what people say to their dearest on the hospital bed, or wherever they are?

Briefly she wondered what there was at the end of the tunnel. She looked into her cup again and sighed another time. It was a strange feeling, she mused, as she shifted the cup into the other hand, though still making sure the light was in the middle of the liquid. She slowly approached the edge of the cup with her finger, moving closer to the small reflection of light, without darkening for the reflection of course.

There was a hesitant moment and then she touched the light spot in the liquid. Nothing happened, except the hot feeling on her skin. Not that she had presumed anything would happen. Or had she? Lately she felt so confused. There was a low noise and Hermione looked up and saw Ron standing by the door to the kitchen of Grimauld's Place. He gave her a smile and moved over to her and looked into her cup, which he had seen her staring in. His actions blocked out the light.

"Is there anything in it?" He narrowed his eyes as he looked into the cup, and then moved it in her hands to get a better vision.

"Not anymore," she was surprised to hear the words drip with darkness, but Ron apparently hadn't noticed. She tended to get annoyed lately, especially in his presence. It was two months since Harry, Ron and her had defeated Voldemort and left Hogwarts.

There was one month until Harry and Ron would start Auror training and Hermione would start on her healing education. She was about to sigh when her eyes grazed the liquid in her cup again. The candle was being reflected in it again. She looked at Ron who had moved away, and then she looked into her cup again.

She didn't want to think of Divination or that there were 'higher powers' or something like that, but right now she believed in it, and she knew why she believed that someone was telling her something: it was a possible way to get away, and she had needed a reason through the last month, since

Ron had asked for her hand and she had said yes. At first she wanted to marry him, but when her nights got shorter due lack of sleep Hermione realised that perhaps this wasn't the best idea, but it was first now that she realised _why _it wasn't a good idea. If she married Ron she'd never find out what was at the end of the tunnel. Perhaps death, unlikely, but perhaps there was the life she wanted.

She didn't want to be Healer, why should she? She was a shy girl and normally stayed out of crowded places and becoming a Healer would definitely ruin her time for herself. And Ron? He was into Quidditch and had been offered a place on the English wizarding Quidditch Team; did she really want to marry a Quidditch player? When had her dreams disappeared? She wondered and troubled her lower lip. She'd be the wife of the famous Ron Weasley, not anyone else. She furrowed her brows, she loved him, she really did. She wanted to be with him.

"Hermione?" Ron asked, seeing her troubled expression while staring into her cup. She looked up at him, her eyes almost blank as if seeing him for the first time, which was partly true.

She realised when she looked up at him that she _did_ love him, but not as a lover, a fiancé or a husband. She looked away as she put her cup on the table, and then looked up at him again.

"I think my light as been distinguished," she was quite sure he had no idea of what the hell she was talking about, but somehow she felt as if none of it mattered. She didn't want to become a Healer, and she didn't want to marry Ron. Her entire life had been lived in books, and to what use if she didn't test herself? If she just settled for the same job for the rest of her life? She had never seen Australia, Peru, Check, Greece and a hell lot of other places.

"Are you okay, love?" Ron moved towards her, but she held up a hand to stop him.

"Ron, I just realised that I can't become a Healer," she rose to meet his eyes once again, "Why would I ever become a Healer? I don't know what I want yet and I just don't want to spend my life Healing when I know that it's definitely not what I want. I want to travel, get to know myself. I've only been to France, and that was with my parents. I've never been drunk or tried to smoke. I've never looked at boys or giggled with any of my girlfriends and I have just realised that I don't think I know myself," her voice was low and almost exhausted. "I feel as if I become a Healer I will never get to experience what it is like to be young, because I won't have the time…"

"Then get another education," Ron offered her a wry smile, and she returned it patiently.

"No," she smiled softly, "I don't want to get an education yet. I want to travel the world, go backpacking in Thailand, Tibet. Go to China and see the Great Wall. Learn cultures, different languages, different skills, muggle as wizarding," she worried her lower lips again, while fidgeting with the gracious engagement ring on her hand.

"What do you mean?" He was looking at her worried now.

"I am engaged, Ron, which limits my chances of trying to be a real young person, with everything that comes with it. I don't think I can marry you, not yet anyway. I need to get away," she looked down at her ring, wondering silently why she didn't feel bad. "I've been awake each night since you asked me. I thought it was nerves, or excitement, but it's not. It's because I'm not ready," she looked up at him again and saw him flushing with sorrow, his eyes moistured and his lower lip quivering slightly, almost unnoticed.

It was now, she decided. She needed to get away, far away.

"I will leave now. I really need to get away," she pulled off the engagement ring and moved over to Ron. She wasn't sure if he was noticing her actions, because he seemed stupefied. She pressed the ring into his hand lightly and then kissed his cheek softly. "I don't know when we'll see each other again, do you understand?" She looked into his eyes urgently.

"No," he managed to croak out. "Why?"

"The war, Ron, has just ended and we became engaged barely a month later. I feel as if I'm in a box. It's not you, it's me who need to try and figure out myself," still there were no tears. "I ask not for your forgiveness, because I will understand if you will never give it to me. However, I ask you to think if you really love me and want me as your wife. You have only dated one other, how can you know?" He was quiet, his eyes filled with tears. She was glad he was in shock, or whatever you could call this state, because dealing with him angry, considering he used to act before thinking, then shock was preferable.

"You're just leaving?" She had turned from him and made to leave the kitchen, but stopped and turned to him.

"I need to travel. I love you Ron, but only as a friend right now," she looked at him apologetically and then she made it to her room. She felt as if a heavy burden had just been lifted from her shoulders, and she actually smiled as she packed her things together.

A light tinkling feeling rushed through her as she thought of leaving, and her smile turned to a grin.

**Review, if you'd be so kind...**


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